Sorry you are going through this Chiff, but my wife did all the bending over backwards in our relationship; as it should have been. She stepped out of our marriage for 4 months, and she realized that that it was all her fault and she felt she had to make sure that my feeling of hurt and pain had to be fixed first in order for us to heal.

I sometimes wonder if she will do it again, but do not dwell on that as it only makes me mistrust her more. I’m pretty sure you didn’t have any failings, as I feel I don’t have any, but maybe we weren’t as attentive to their needs? .. That’s the people they were and as for my wife, she has been trying extremely hard since D-DAY. All the best!

I know he never slept with her, I believe him with that, yet he did share his love in other ways emotionally, and I hate knowing that I did actually share my h with another w

Thank you chiffcaff, its ridiculous the thoughts that go through our heads, it would be nice to have a switch that we could turn off at times. Just like the switch our h had when they forgot about us, that amnesia that helped them forget about their wives and children, plus the blinders they were wearing might be good too, because they couldn’t really see what was in front of them the whole time. They would just say stuff you. Yet we stood our ground, we tried to keep our family running while we were back burned and the ow taking all of the compliments that he could dish out, for what? She got all the compliments for being a good god knows what. While the devoted wife looked after the family, and everything that needed to be looked after. Yet during the fog, we were still the ones that were walked over. We still had to keep proving ourselves. During the fog, I used to wonder, I’m doing all this to keep my family together, to help him get back to normality, to make him feel good about himself and our family, when is it my turn to start feeling good through him? He is getting better at making me feel good about, if only I could stop thinking is it just another lie.

I devoted wife isn’t going to stand by a h, especially in a situation such as an affair, if they truly didn’t love them and want to keep their family together

I know I shouldn’t be comparing her to me, as really she cheapened herself not me, yet it does feel like i am the cheap one. I never asked to share my h with another w, i told him if he wanted to share himself he needed to leave. I hate knowing that. I guess that’s why I feel cheapened, although I did nothing sites de namoro mais bem-sucedidos para o casamento wrong, he is my h not hers. So why am I beating myself up about this? Anyhow I hope I can eventually look past all of this when I look at my h, and I can eventually see that what he tells me is true, and not a whole heap of cow poo. I just so much want to trust again, yet it is so hard, especially when you see a stranger at times. Thanks for listening to my ramblings

Strength required: you are not alone in your thinking. Things are really going well her and he has told me it was the biggest mistake of his life and all the right words. However, when I’m alone I sometimes wonder how he could have acted the way he did. Not the affair as much as the callous disregard for me and our kids. I mean, am affair is one thing. Ya it hurts and you wonder where you went wrong but it was the words he told me and the callousness and lies and hurting he just kept dishing out. I cried for months. I was a wreck. My kids cried. Especially my daughter who is very close to my husband. She begged him to stop and he promises her several times he would and he kept going back answer getting caught over an over. I don’t think about the affair much anymore and I do trust him again. It’s those words that come back to haunt me over answer over. I am ashamed to admit , even now, that I literally tried to make his life better by hysterical bonding, cooking, cleaning, losing weight etc… And he continued to see her while accepting an enjoying my attention. He would never deliberately hurt anyone and if he had by accident he would apologize and feel remorse. Yet in the fog he deliberately hurt me and the kids over and over. He was a completely different person. That’s what I have a hard time with